


Waiting

by gyuhyun



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Reality, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-30
Updated: 2014-10-30
Packaged: 2018-02-23 05:43:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2536313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gyuhyun/pseuds/gyuhyun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Joonmyun wakes up one day and knows the wait has begun.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Waiting

Joonmyun wakes up and finds the spot next to his on the bed empty. He feels the sheets and can't help the frown that forms on his lips. _His_ side of the bed is cold. _He_ left Joonmyun sooner than Joonmyun would've expected.

Joonmyun sits up and rests his head on his hand. He can't help the pain that suddenly squeezed his heart.

 _He understands._ He really does but that doesn't stop him from being hurt, doesn't stop him from doubting. He used to believe _he_ loved him but now it feels like everything was just a dream.

 

 

 

It's been months since _he_ left and Joonmyun is beginning to wonder if _he'll_ ever come back. It's always the same feeling, the same anxiety of waiting and never knowing if or when _he'll_ come back.

_He's used to this._

He's used to waiting and waiting but with each departure he wonders just how long he can wait. He wonders how someone can leave and take longer to come back, longer than the last time _he_ left.

He wonders what happened, if _he's_ ok. He looks out of his office window and watches the sun set in Seoul and thinks of a man who once promised him forever but now is nowhere to be found.

 

 

 

It's been a year. Exactly one year and Joonmyun is still waiting. This is longer than he'd expected. This is the first time he's had to wait this long. He walks out of his office bidding his secretary goodbye and goodnight. He needs to get home and bury himself with work so he can stop thinking of _him._

Joonmyun clumsily bumps an intern. He is shaken out of his thoughts quick enough to bend down and help the intern. He finds himself staring straight at wide dark eyes. He absently hands the intern the papers he dropped and a deep voice thanks him and apologizes sincerely. Joonmyun can't take his eyes away from pale face, flushed cheeks and wide eyes.

"What's your name?" He finds himself asking. The intern looks taken aback as he straightens his suit but smiles widely and extends his hand

"Do Kyungsoo, sir." Joonmyun shakes the hand and smiles at Kyungsoo.The hand in his is warm and he remembers what it's like to hold on to soft hands but the hand in his is not what he's looking for.

"I'll see you around then." Joonmyun says pressing the button for the elevator while Kyungsoo makes his way to another office.

When the elevator door closes, Joonmyun looks at his hand and wonders if at the time he'd held onto _his_ hand would he have never left?

He sighs.

 _He knows._ He knows holding on to _him_ would never work because _he's_ a free soul. Joonmyun can't own _him_ , will never own _him_.

Joonmyun is still counting. He is still waiting. It’s almost been a year and a half. Sometimes he pauses from his work and looks out his wide window and wonders if he squints, will he find _him_ amidst the people. He knows it’s impossible because _he’s_ probably not even in Seoul.

He rubs his temple and tries to focus on his work.

The door opens and he’s greeted with a small smile and Kyungsoo’s bright face that contrasts with his tired one. He manages to smile at the intern who hands him a warm cup of coffee and a few documents.

“Good afternoon, Joonmyun ssi. Sir Kim wanted me to give you these.” Kyungsoo says placing the coffee and papers gently and neatly on Joonmyun’s desk. Joonmyun thanks the intern and mentally reminds himself to thank Jongin for the coffee.

“Jongin still doesn’t let you call him by his first name?” Joonmyun asks casually as he sips from his coffee, immediately relaxing with the warmth it brings.

Kyungsoo chuckles and Joonmyun can’t help but think it sounds like a sweet melody; it reminds him of someone’s laughter.

“No, not really.Something about keeping our business relationship strictly business.” Kyungsoo laughs as he remembers and Joonmyun notices that faraway look in Kyungsoo’s eyes as he remembers a memory. Joonmyun smiles because it seems that Kyungsoo doesn’t mind the fact that Jongin keeps their relationship strictly that of a business relationship.

“Well, thank Jongin for me, will you?” Joonmyun offers and Kyungsoo nods and tells Joonmyun that if he ever needs anything he can also come to Kyungsoo for help.

A small smile forms on his lips and he pauses because he realizes he hasn’t been able to smile like this in a while. It’s all fake and insincere but right now it feels a little genuine. He turns his chair to look at the sun setting on Seoul and he finds himself just admiring the beauty of the city, not looking for that person he’s been waiting for.

 _He smiles._ He smiles at thought of coffee and wide eyes, pale face and a small bright smile.

 

 

 

Joonmyun is just exiting a café when he spots Kyungsoo walking down the street. They walk to wherever it is Kyungsoo is going making small talk as they go. Joonmyun finds out that Kyungsoo likes to sing at a pub during his days off  
.  
Joonmyun is ushered to a seat nearest to the stage and he spots Kyungsoo talking to the pianist and somehow the scene is familiar. From the pianist to the mic stand, the only difference is the pub. There is no pub in his memories. Just a stage where a man once dreamed of being a singer, still dreaming to be a singer, and now the man has chased his dreams in different parts of the world.

Joonmyun shakes his head and focuses on Kyungsoo who is just about to start singing.

The pianist plays a melody. A melody that is familiar and Joonmyun knows _he_ has sung this song before. Kyungsoo begins to sing the first verse and Joonmyun fights back the tears that threaten to fall because Kyungsoo has a beautiful voice, so beautiful but it’s not the voice he wants to hear, not the voice he needs to hear.

Joonmyun struggles with his emotions and memories as Kyungsoo sings the melody thatis more than familiar to Joonmyun. He tries not to bury himself with thoughts of _him_. He tries to breathe so the memories won’t suffocate him. All he sees however is a man with high cheek bones, and all he hears is a voice that is not Kyungsoo’s.

Kyungsoo starts to sing a different song and Joonmyun can feel himself finally able to breathe normally again. He finally hears Kyungsoo’s beautiful voice singing a song he has never heard before. He wonders for a moment what it’s like to love Kyungsoo and what it would be like to be loved by Kyungsoo… or just any other man that isn’t _him._

He can’t deny that he hasn’t been thinking of Kyungsoo in that way but he’s too preoccupied with _him_ to even consider falling in love with Kyungsoo. He sighs and Kyungsoo looks at him with worried eyes. He smiles at Kyungsoo to brush it off but Kyungsoo holds his hand and squeezes it.

“You know, Joonmyun ssi, you can talk to me if you have something on your mind.” The sincerity in Kyungsoo’s voice is tempting and Joonmyun’s eyes lands on his lips and they look soft and he wants to remember what it’s like to feel soft lips again.

“Can I kiss you?” Kyungsoo looks taken aback by the request but smiles.

“Only if you promise to tell me what’s on your mind.”

Joonmyun gives him a half smile and Kyungsoo closes his eyes. Joonmyun leans forward and in that small amount of time it takes for his lips to touch Kyungsoo’s he wonders if _he’s_ ever kissed someone else other than him, has slept with someone else other than him.

 _He feels it._ He feels it in his entire being that _he_ hasn’t always been faithful to him. Sometimes, he’d come back having another man’s scent and it would take Joonmyun days before he could completely replace it with his.

When his lips touch Kyungsoo’s, he thinks that his lips are soft and warm and welcoming. And yet he can’t help but think it’s not what he’s looking for, not what he wants, not what he needs.

Joonmyun takes Kyungsoo back to his condo, offering him to stay the night because his story is long and sad and he really needs the company of a person. He’s been alone far too long for his liking.

Kyungsoo looks adorable in his pajamas, Joonmyun notes. He tries not to get carried away because he can think of another person who looks good in his pajamas.

They are sitting on his couch with minimal lighting when Joonmyun begins his story of falling in love, finding love and inevitably, slowly and surely losing his love.

Kyungsoo offers him comfort and does not interrupt him. He is thankful for the attention he has allowed himself to stop getting. For the first time in his life, he doesn’t fear that when tomorrow comes, he’ll be alone again.

The clock has struck 1 in the morning when Joonmyun finishes and he apologizes profusely for keeping Kyungsoo awake at such a late hour. Kyungsoo brushes it off as something he’s used to. Joonmyun ushers Kyungsoo to his guest room when he hears the doorbell. They look at each other wondering who could be ringing the bell at such a late hour.

They take quiet steps to the front door and Joonmyun takes a look at the peep hole and he rushes to unlock his door and he’s greeted with a smile by the man he’s been waiting for.

The man wraps his arms around Joonmyun’s neck and he finds it harder to breathe because _he’s_ here, _he’s_ back.

“Jongdae,” Joonmyun starts but Jongdae cuts him off with deep and passionate kiss and it takes all of his willpower not to kiss back but he reminds himself he can’t give in so easily this time. He slowly pushes Jongdae away and Jongdae looks at him with hurt and disbelief.

Jongdae looks somewhere to Joonmyun’s right and glares and Joonmyun knows Jongdae has spotted Kyungsoo.

“Is he the reason? Are you cheating on me?”

The comment strikes a nerve in Joonmyun, how can Jongdae even accuse him of that when he knows for sure that Jongdae sleeps around. Joonmyun looks to Kyungsoo and mouths an apology as he pushes Jongdae out of the condo with him.

“You have no right to judge me like that.” Joonmyun begins as soon as he’s closed the door. Jongdae is taken aback because Joonmyun has never said anything to him so harshly before.

“You and I both know that out of the two of us, you’re the one who goes away for long periods of time and sleeps around.” Joonmyun knows his words are harsh but he’s been keeping this to himself far too long and Jongdae is pushing him to his limit. Jongdae looks down because Joonmyun is right.

“You can’t just waltz back into my life acting like nothing happened.” Joonmyun says. “When I woke up a year and half ago, you weren’t there Jongdae.” Joonmyun’s voice breaks. “I waited for a year and half. Jongdae, you made me wait for a year and half. I was so close to believing you weren’t coming back –“

“And that’s why you’re replacing me?” Jongdae cuts him off and Joonmyun resists the urge to lash out at Jongdae.

“Don’t bring Kyungsoo into this. This mess is something you created, something you started, if you have anyone to blame, blame yourself. Didn’t it ever occur to you that I could get tired of waiting? That maybe I could have fallen in love with someone else?”

Jongdae turns away from Joonmyun’s eyes and Joonmyun knows that’s exactly what Jongdae had been thinking. A bitter laugh escapes his lips.

“I thought I understood, you, Jongdae, I thought I understood why you kept leaving. I thought I could get used to this feeling because you always came back. I thought that maybe my love could be enough and you’d finally stay because you’d realize it. But no. I can’t do this anymore Jongdae. I’m tired of waiting. I’m tired of having to wake up one day and realizing you’re gone. I’m tired of having to worry about you, wondering where you are, whose arms it is you’re sleeping in. I don’t think I can do this anymore.”

Joonmyun wipes the tears in his eyes and Jongdae fights the sobs that are escaping his mouth.

“I think you should stop coming back here.”

Joonmyun enters his condo, locks the door and cries his heart out.

 

 

 

Joonmyun doesn’t see Jongdae after that. Two years has passed and Jongdae had stopped appearing at his doorstep. He doesn’t see Jongdae but he does hear of him. Jongdae has achieved his dreams of becoming a singer, ironically fulfilling it in Korea.

Joonmyun hasn’t bothered to date anyone, not even Kyungsoo. He realizes then that maybe Kyungsoo was just someone he started liking because he needed it. He desperately needed someone because the person he’d been waiting for didn’t come.

Joonmyun knows Jongdae won’t come back.

But that doesn’t stop him from waiting, from believing that maybe he will.

**Author's Note:**

> A sequel has been written by SilentRay. If you can, please check it out!

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [even if my love passes, if all my memories disappear](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5719162) by [orphan_account](https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account)




End file.
